Baby Care & Nursing

The First Weeks Of Life:

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Nothing can really prepare you for the reality of having a child.The first weeks of your baby's life can seem like a chaotic whirlwind of new experiences and sensations,as you get to know this new person in your lives,and adapt to the feeling of being a parent.You have so much to learn:how to feed and nourish your baby,how to dress her and care for her skin,what her likes and what her doesn't like.Looking after a new baby involves a combinations of warmth,attention and responsiveness,and although some of this will be instinctive,some has to be learnt new-by both of you.You'll learn new skills too:before long eating one handed while your baby feeds will be your second nature.But the early phase of adjustment and chaos won't last long.This chapter tells how one couple and their new baby coped in the first few weeks.Every baby is different,and you will find your own way of getting through the first weeks of life.

First days at home:

Life with your new baby will take you by surprise.Her apparent vulnarebility produces new,powerful feelings within you,while a turmoil of emotions makes you burst into tears for no reason,or become distressed by,say,the television news.Don't fight your feelings;concentrate on the new life that you are nurturing.

Becoming a Family:

Now there are three of you,and everything changes.Your partner is no longer your lover,he's your companion and ally in this new adventure of parenthood-and she's as much his baby as yours.Your tried and tested family relationships will subtly change too;you're not a son or a daughter any more,you're parent,with a new life depending on you.No matter how topsy-turvy your life seems at that time,try to make time for your partner.Often it is the new father who is most shell-shocked in the days immediately following the birth,and he needs your support as much as you need his.Let him share in the care of your baby;he may be more nervous than you handling the baby's floppy little body,but he will soon grow more confident.

Building A Loving Relationship:

Right from the beginning your relationship with your new born baby is intense,two-way one that will grow into a real and lasting love.As you bring your baby up close to your talk and coo,  your baby will gaze reply at your face and eye contact plays a big part when you are falling in love.Your baby will reward your efforts to calm her by quietening at the sound of your voice when you sing and talk to her.And he or she's miserable your baby wants you to comfort him or her.

Involving Other Family Members:

Your parents,sisters and brothers will be keen to meet the new baby:but don't feel guilty about limiting visitors if you want to.

Getting Plenty Of Rest:

Every new mother has to learn to cope with too little sleep.Plenty of rest whenever you can snatch it is only answer-and it's especially important if you're breast feeding.Rest whenever you baby sleeps,even if you don't sleep.Your body isn't strong enough yet for srenuous work,and the housework can go undone for now.

Premature Babies:

Your baby's first six weeks at home be difficult if he or she born prematurely.Your baby may cry incessantly and refuse to be comforted;or be very sleepy and reluctant to feed.In addition to your natural anxiety about your baby you may feel rejected by her or him:your baby doesn't make you feel as if he or she loves you,so it's that much harder to love your baby in return.Your pre term baby will need extra care from you;she or he loses heat quickly,so you need to keep your home warm for your baby,especially when bathing or changing and your baby will need frequent feeding to help him or her grow.Even though your baby may have a small appetite and be a trouble-some feeder,offer him or her a feed as often as every three hours,letting your baby take as much as he or she wants at each feed.concentrate on giving the care your baby needs:in time your baby will grow more responsive to you and you will learn to understand your baby better.

Handling Your Baby:

 From an early age your baby needs closeness and comfort,warmth and sleep.To begin with,you will probably feel quite nervous about handling and cuddling him or her;your hands seems so clumsy,his limbs so floppy,his head and neck so fragile.Your normal careful handling wont hurt him;even the soft fontanelle on the top of his head has a tough membrane to protect it.But you may startle him if you pick your baby up suddenly,making him fling his limbs out or frighten him if he thinks he will fall.It wont be long before you're both much more confident of each other.As your baby gains control over his muscles,he may enjoy some boisterous games-at four or five months he may love to be swung up above your head or perched high on your shoulders.If he's timid-and some babies are-handle him gently until he is more outgoing.Respond to your baby's moods and let him set the pace of your physical play.

Its very important to talk to your baby as you transfer one position to another-your voice is familiar and reassuring.Remember that until he or she about eight weeks old your baby can not control its muscles.You need to support your baby's body all the time,so that her or his head doesn't flop or limbs dangle.

WHERE HAVE ALL THE LITTLE GIRLS GONE

Ancient prejudices against females persist.As a result,the population balance in many Asian countries is showing an alarming swing towards male.

Mother of two girls Toddlers,27-year-old Mira ekes out a living as a maid in the homes of well-to-do Mumbayites. Once when her husband,a factory worker,was drunk,he threatened to throw her out of their home if she bore another daughter.So when he become pregnant again,Mira was panic-stricken.What if the child growing inside her was yet another female?She decided to find out.

Mira scraped some money together and went to a hospital to take the gender test.The results showed that the foetus was female.She told her husband that the doctors had recommended an abortion because she was too weak to carry a third child to full term.Her husband was disappointed initially but finally agreed to take her for an abortion.

In Seoul,South Korea,a women who prefers to be known only as "Nayoung's mother"tells a similar tale.A college graduate with two young daughters,she too was under intense family pressure to bear a son.Pregnant again,she decided to find out sex of her foetus.An ultrasound examination indicated another daughter was on the way.Although she was in her sixth month,an advanced stage of pregnancy when termination is dangerous,the disappointed woman went ahead with an abortion.

Craving for boys:

Ordinarily,the first lusty cry of her new born baby is a joyous moment for a mother.But in many parts of Asia,maternal feelings are often directly related to the sex of the infant.Centuries-old prejudices against female children persist as tenaciously in the Confucian societies of China and South Korea as in several communities in India,Pakistan and Malaysia.

The bias continues despite brisk economic development,growing technological sophistication and rising standards of living.In countless hospital across Asia,anxious women like Mira and "Nayoung's mother" request various medical tests to discover the sex of the child in their womb.For many,if it proves to be female,the next step will be an abortion.

In the early 1970 s,enterprising doctors in Punjab discovered the commercial possibilities in this craving for boys.An amniocentesis examination,a pre-natal test usually administered to detect foetal abnormalities,had a lucrative by product:it could be reveal the sex of an unborn baby with 97% accuracy.Soon hundreds of private clinics offering gender-testing sprang up,predominantly in the northern states.(IT IS COMPLETELY BANNED TODAY AND LEGALLY PUNISHABLE)

To administer the test,doctors extract about 20cc of amniotic fluid from the foetal sac of a woman,four months pregnant,using a fine,hollow needle inserted through the abdomen.Foetal cells are separated from the fluid and allowed to multiply in a tissue culture for about three weeks for eventual chromosomal analysis.By then,the women is usually 20 weeks into her pregnancy.

In recent years,new pre-natal tests have been gaining popularity.Chorion villus biopsy yields a result in several days and can be done in early pregnancy.The outermost embryonic membrane or chorion develops finger-like projections or villi.Between the seventh and the ninth weeks of pregnancy,samples of chorion villi are obtained through the vagina and cervix and can be examined immediately for genetic defects and gender.

Another relatively safe and alternative is ultra sonography,which uses inaudible sound-waves to project a visual image of the foetus on a screen.This method is commonly employed to assess foetal age or detect defects.Provided the plane of scan is correct,it can also reveal sex if external male genitalia have begun forming.Sex detection by this method ,therefore,is possible only in advanced pregnancy.

Heinous Crime:

In China,which together with India accounts for almost two-fifths of the world's population,abortion is not only legal but unofficially condoned as an effective instrument of birth control.But here,where since 1979 a rigorous one-child policy has been in force,the desire for male offspring is especially strong.As a consequence,the government strictly forbids pre-natal sex testing and female infanticide is considered a heinous crime.Yet many question the system's efficiency in catching baby-killers.Critics say local family planning officials are often given bonuses for maintaining "birth quotas",and they keep quiet about infanticide.

Some baby girls are abandoned in caves or trussed  up in sacks and thrown into a river.Others are dumped in garbage bins,forced to swallow lethal insecticide or packed in cardboard boxes and left to die in fields.

According to People's Daily newspaper,more than 40 baby girl born to one production team alone were drowned between 1980 and 1981 in nothern Anthui Province.In two countries of southern Guangdong Province,revealed the Nangfang Daily,some 200 female infants were killed in 1982.In some instances a bucket of water was placed near the mother's bed,said the report.If the new born was a girl,she was immediately drowned.

The Chinese government doesn't publish statistics on female infanticide.But one of the factor that  prompted the US govt. in 1985 to begin holding back millions of dollars in aid to the UN Fund for Population Activities was the suspicion that China's stringent population policy was responsible for widespread infanticide.For its part,China has denied that the practice is rampant,saying that the United States has made "a mountain out of a molehill."

Unheard Of:

Statistic compiled by Korean Economic Planning Board in 1985 revealed that among children under the age of four,boys outnumbered girls by 108.1 to 100.The prevalence of gender testing and the increasing abortions of female foetuses,prompted the Korean Medical Association to impose in February 1986 a self-regulatory ban on the practice of sex determination.None the less,it is commonly understood in Korea that clandestine tests and abortions are available-at the right price.

Old prejudices linger on even in affluent Hong Kong.According to a leading Hong Kong Gynaecologist,many local parents would not settle for an all-girl family,though they would like at least one daughter.Pre-natal sex-testing is legal,but medical profession is bound by strong ethical standards that restrict passing on gender information to parents.Although for every 4.5 births in Hong Kong in 1986 one legal abortion and many illegal ones were performed,cases of women aborting foetuses because they are female are practically unheard of.

Education and high living standards seem to have blunted the discrimination against girls in Japan and Singapore.Amniocentesis was introduced in Japan in the late 1960s but has been little abused,and female foeticide is almost unheard of.

Can laws alter social attitudes?

South Korea is trying a softer approach to the problem.In a popular TV commercial,a middle class couple announce that they will have only one child.The camera then pans to a little girl besides them,blowing out the candles on her birthday cake.However,more needs to be done if Koreans are to give up their preferences for boys.Women,s groups have long lobbied for changes to the country's heavily Confucian Family Law,which they say reinforces prejudices against women.

Changing cultural patterns in not easy.But there are those who foresee a day when,as a result of social education and strong laws,Asia's multicultural societies will be truly balanced,sexually equal communities where females are no longer the unwanted sex.The alternative is grim.

MY SON,MY TEACHER

Sometimes,learning is a two-way street

I remember once hearing a myth about a little boy whose father gave him a baby calf.The boy was instructed to feed and clean the calf,and then to lift it over his head once every day.As the child grew, so did the calf,and the boy was lifting another half-kilo or so each day.By the time he was 15,the young man was able to lift a kicking,full-grown bull.

There has been a similar story in my own life-something my son did for me and  that your kids are probably doing for you,whether you know it or not.



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One day I was playing tennis with Rann,my ten-year-old son.Ever since he was five,Rann had been my only tennis partner.Playing on the next court was a bunch of kids,members of a local tennis team.Their coach approached me as I picked up some stray balls."Your son really hits well,"the man said.

Realizing that Rann was  not only being complimented but also being recruited,I let the guy down easy."We're just visiting here,"I said.

"Shame," he responded.

I told Rann about the coach's comments on the drive back to his aunt and uncle's house.But I was curious about what exactly the coach had seen in Rann's game.

For the past few years,Rann had been telling me about his rapid progress in school tennis.He would report he'd moved ahead of this guy.But I let it all go in one ear and out the other because,to tell you the truth,I really hadn't seen much improvement.Oh,he was making far fewer errors,and he certainly was hitting the ball ball harder;but how could Rann have been getting so much better if his old man kept beating him?

You see,I've always believed that it's the ultimate insult to compete against someone anything less than your best.And so,when Rann was five,although i never smashed the ball at his feet,I didn't throw games to him either.He had the measure himself by how well he played,not by whether he won or lost.The fact is,at the time of the out-of-town match,he'd never beaten me.

Then,after we returned home,a strange thing happened.An old friend came to town and invited me for a tennis game.This guy used to beat me regularly.When I asked if he'd kept up his game,he smiled and said,"Every day of the year."

I won't bore you with the details of my spectacular demolition of this fellow.Suffice it to say,it surprised us both.

Then,in the taxi home,I figured it out.It was Rann!As his tennis had improved,so had my own.Like the boy with the calf that got heavier every morning. Rann had got better each time out.And like the boy who lifted the calf,I had lifted my own increasing burden.

Rann was forcing me to cultivate my own abilities-to discover new strenght and new resolve.He was teaching me that I could work harder,strech further,go longer.And he was doing this in increments so small I never realized it. 

I bet your kids are doing this.In a thousand ways you never even thought about,they're making you pick yourself up a notch.They work on the quality of your caring and composure.They teach you when to surrender,when to hold firm.

I saw it in tennis,but it's happening in every phase of our lives.While you're teaching and nursuring your children,they're expanding you,sharpening you,polishing you,making you better tennis players,better parents-and better people.