Developing the right attitude,character and strategy is the key to performance-and its never too early to start.
Your 11 year old daughter is about to perform her arangetram. She's keyed up,and you're afraid she'll make mistakes.Yet as soon as her guru gives her the signal,she begins to dance,poised and confident.Every mudra and abhinaya is perfect.
Your 17 year old son is appearing for the Indian Institute of Technology's joint entrance exam.You drop him off at the exam centre and then go home to worry.But when he returns,he's relaxed and satisfied.While other students panicked,he worked his way quickly and methodically through the questions.The result: a high rank in the merit list that assures him both of admission to the IIT of his choice as well as his chosen subject.
Peak performances-moments when children achieve the best that's in them-are the stuff of every parent's dream.And yet most of us have seen a report card or a dance performance that falls short of what our kids can accomplish.
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Why can some boys and girls repeatedly perform at their peak,while others of equal or superior ability cannot?Many parents assume skill is very much determined by natural ability:the student with the highest IQ will get the best grades,or the athlete with the most prowess will surpass his team-mates.
I've learned otherwise.Genes count in determining performance,but they're not everything.The edge comes from mental attitude,character and strategy.And I've discovered some simple ways for parents to help their youngsters develop those traits:
Find something to praise:
A student asked a group of world class athletes to identify the primary influences on their early careers.Ninety-five percent gave the same answer:MY PARENT'S SUPPORT.
A CHILD WHO FEELS GOOD ABOUT HIMSELF SUCCEEDS. Nurturing that self-esteem is the central element of inspiring a child to peak performance,and you can't start too early.I love to watch my colleague making her two-nd-a-half year old feel successful.'Tommy,"she'll say,"see if you can pick up three toys,One-that is very good.Two-good job!Three!Good!"And she'll applaud and hug him.Some people would say,"That's so trivial."But you build self-esteem in tiny bits,one after another.
It isn't easy to praise your son when his team has just lost an inter-school soccer match and he missed two easy shots at the goal.But you cn try something like this:"Those were easy goals you missed but you dribbled well.ext time aim at the far post and you'll get the ball in."
Teach Don't Blame:
Unfortunately,if you could tape parents' comments on a child's performance,you'd probably find a high percentage of negative remarks.Worse,the criticisms may be accompanied by put downs-"You're so dumb!" "Why can't you get this through your head?" "God you're clumsy!"
If you keep telling your son something's wrong with him,sooner or later he'll believe it.Criticize the behaviour,not the child.Follow every "That's wrong!" by explaining what's right."Don't use your instep for a powerful shot at the goal"should have the follow-up "bend your body forward,and kick with the top of your foot."
Always leave your son knowing what you want him to do,not what you don't want to do.The last thing said to a person before a moment of trial is what he'll remember.That thought should inspire positive action.
Asses your child's strenghts:
Too often we try to mould our kids into what we want them to like be,rather than listening to their own opinions and self-assessments.The first thing I asked a boy or a girl is,"what do you like to do?what's fun for you?what are you good at?"I'm not looking for a recitation of trophies won or achievements recorded,but simpler answers,things the kid takes pride in:"I can run fast.""I'm good at science.""I like to sing."
Sometimes kid's answers carry clues to abilities we hadn't suspected.The boy who tells you proudly he can balance on one foot may never be a first-rate crickter,but,given the opportunity,he may be a first-rate soccer player.
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Encourage self-applause:
Suppose your daughter is about to accompany the school choir on her guitar.She's scared,but you can help her build a feeling of success.Break the performance down into steps.The first step is to take the guitar out of the case."Can you do that?" Yes.(Good work!") Second step is to tune the guitar."I can do that."(Good!").Third step is to make sure her music book is opened to the right page.By the time she strums the first chords,she'll already have a record of successes,and the last obstacle may not seem insurmountable after all.
Taking positively to yourself about yourself reinforces self-image,which in turn improves performance.Better performance causes more self-praise,which triggers further improvementt."I'm really playing well today"becomes "I'm a good guitar player.
Teach you child to relax:
Knowing how to relax is the key to peak a performance.When you're relaxed,your mind is clearer,and your body can function at its greatest efficiency.
Start with your son's breathing.Show him what happens in a deep breath."See how your tummy flattens,then pushes out again?That's where you really breathe from.Be aware of how to breathe deeply,to feel the breathe as he takes it in.
Step two is to find a single thought that puts him in a relaxed mood.The cue can be thinking of a strain of music,imagining the feel of warm sand on the beach or a breeze riffling through the leaves.Teach him to focus only on that idea until he feels calm.A relaxed mood helps to set aside distractions and zero in on the task ahead.
Concentrate,concentrate:
Parents often complain they can't keep their kid's attention for more than a few seconds.Yet the same kids play hand-held video games for hours.
You can sharpen your daughter's ability to concentrate with little drills.For a very young child,sing a song and ask her to listen closely to the lyrics.Then question her about what she's heard.Have an older child scan a page of numbers;then take the page away."What numbers do you remember from the top row?"
Rehearse-mentally:
A well-known dancer says she mentally rehearses part of her dance routine movement by movement.She "feels" her arm movements.She "hears" the beat of the music.
Since kids have vivid imaginations,they take readily to visualisation.Before an exam,urge your child to study hard and then create a mental motion picture of the whole test,from the instant the class bell rings until students are told to lay down their pencils.After several such visualizations,the test itself will seem routine.
Remind your child of success:
A good school report card posted where your daughter will see it reminds her that she can do well-and reinforces the urge to repeat her success.But don't confine yourself to past triumphs.Inspire your child to additional success with picture of awards or certificates yet to be won.Add messages of encouragement:"You did it last year!Do it again this year!"
Set steps to a goal:
Suppose your son sets a goal of 100 percent in the mathematics.Draw a flight of steps with the drawing in a prominent place.The first step might be "Be attentive in class."The second could be "Clarify all doubts with the teacher."The third:"Solve lots of mathematical problems."
If your son misses one step,that doesn't mean the goal is lost.He simply reverts to the step before and moves forward again.It's important,too,that goals be "100 percent in mathematics," not "higher marks than Rahul Singh."
Some parents try to goad their kids with bribes,guilt or fear.All fail.Your daughter may be delighted to receive a reward of Rs.50 for standing first class.But it's the recognition,not the money that pleases her.fear gets results-temporarily.Put a pistol to my head and my first thought is revenge,not better performance.
There are no short cuts to bringing your child to do his best.It's a gradual process of support,encouragement and hard work.And those efforts pay off not only in peak performance but in closer,warmer relations between parent and child.
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